Mourn For Me
by Max Howle
Summary: Sebastian finds himself trying to make peace with the loss of his boss. Yet, as memories remind him of a promise he made years back, he finds it far to difficult to stay strong as he is reminded of everything he had lost. Jim has lost his life, and in many ways, despite his struggle, Sebastian has lost his as well.


Mourn for me

Sebastian looked down at the small, pitiful grave stone, his normally clear blue eyes rimmed red from crying. He knew better than to cry, he knew it was a sign of weakness, that is was some sign of sentiment that was found on the loosing side, but he hardly cared anymore. What did it matter? Nothing really mattered to him anymore.

The grave was nothing but sad in comparison to the man it marked. A gray tombstone with black lacy letters that shown the place a brilliant man was buried, but Sebastian still found little reality in reading the name 'James Moriarty' caved into the rock, so permanent, as if mocking Sebastian's still breathing, living form.

He stood in front of Jim's grave, and collected himself. For a brief moment he looked once again like the strong, quick, proud man Jim had once called his body guard, his sniper, his lover. Sebastian's head was held high as he tossed his shoulders back, swinging his sniper rifle over and off his shoulder in one practiced movement. It felt light, the tripod had been removed and all bullets removed, though it still shined, despite the years of use. James had given Sebastian the rifle the day he started working for him. Sebastian let out a small sigh, before stepping forward, leaning the weapon on Jim's headstone, looking down at his boss' resting place with a blank expression.

Sebastian took a step back, once again looking at the plain grave, wishing there was more he could do.

"Can I ask you something, Sebby?" Jim's sweet voice rang through Sebastian's head like a distant echo of a memory. As the nickname left Jim's soft lips it carried the force of a bullet through the chest, physically hurting Sebastian.

"Yeah Jim?" Seb responds, and it is as if they are back in the flat. Jim draped over Sebastian in a semi-hug as they watched some crap telly, Jim always enjoyed the stupidest shows. They had been together two years, things had been so simple.

"Can you promise me something?" Jim asked, he was in a mood that took away the edge of being an evil mastermind, and more of the soft, kind appearance he hardly ever showed.

"Of course."

"When I die-"Jim began, Sebastian immediately tensed, though Jim pushed on. "When I die will you mourn for me? Will you stand over my body and mourn? No one..." Jim sighed. "No one else will."

Sebastian opened his mouth to speak but was met by Jim bracing on his arms, looking down at the taller man with shining black eyes. "Just, promise me Tiger. When I die, promise you will mourn."

Sebastian didn't even hesitate. "I promise."

Sebastian blinks, tears welling in his eyes as he runs a hand through his blonde hair, the world crashing to painful reality. "Damn it." He growls glaring at the memory of Jim, at the grave of the man he loves. "Damn you, you bastard." Sebastian took a deep breath, tears silently streaming down his face.

With a small wordless cry Seb fell to his knees, as if unable to physically hold himself up, the weight of the world felt as if it was actually pressing Sebastian down, the worst pain he had ever felt in his entire life, and Sebastian had taken bullets that didn't hurt as bad as the crushing realization his love was never coming back. He was never going to wake up and make Jim breakfast, or argue over the best way to kill a man, or curl up on the couch on days off with the most dangerous man in London and watch old movies. He would never be able to call Jim 'kitten' and see the way Jim acts as if it bugs him when he secretly loves it.

Sebastian dug his fingers into the ground, tears rushing down his face. His chest ached and his body trembled. His heart seemed to constrict and refuse to relax. "Weak." Jim's voice called in his mind. "Come on Tiger." It sounded soft, like how Jim spoke when they were alone.

"Chin up soldier. You'll do just fine without me. You always did before."

Sebastian growled, standing up and whipping around, expecting to see his boss leaning against a tree, smiling and asking why Sebastian was stupid. Instead he was met with the world fading to black as the sun set. "You never let me tell you I loved you." He said, voice cracking.

"I already knew that, Tiger." The voice whispered back in Sebastian's mind, and he cried.


End file.
